Who determines what it means to be estranged, especially in the context of family? A classic definition of estrangement revolving family, states that it results in a discontinuation of a relationship amongst members of a family and/or a disturbance of the day-to-day normal and ‘healthy’ functioning of the family.

 

Throughout the 2000’s various researchers in the field of psychology have attempted to define and redefine what it means to be estranged. Some argue that it is simply a breakage between a parent and a child, while others in later years give it more weight, by utilizing words such as conflict/avoidance and relational dissatisfaction (Scharp & Mclaren, 2017).

 

Dysfunctional; is not a pretty term. Dysfunction seems to go hand-in-hand when discussing families who have experienced estrangement. Many individuals who have described their family systems use the word dysfunctional as the main indication as to why they chose to become estranged. This description is intelligible for most others to understand and can be accepted within society as a simple way to state one’s reasonings for severing a family relationship. What happens though, if someone were to try to articulate that family estrangement can be functional/dysfunctional? That is, despite a dysfunctional family, one can still thrive and grow up within and outside that system, functioning: They can and do persevere despite all the professional research idealizing that only healthy and functioning families rear healthy and functioning children.

 

I ask myself and others to speculate on and be aware of how ‘functional family’ is utilized in our social, academic, and professional realms. Families are not natural per say, rather they are a construct of our world and passed down from one generation to the next. Each is unique in how they function/dysfunction and it is important to honor and try to understand your own complexly individualized family system. There are similarities across the board on estrangement that can help us to feel understood by and connect to others who have become estranged, but we must also acknowledge the intricacies of such a tumultuous and delicate situation and not try to pigeonhole one another in what we ‘believe’ it really means to be estranged.

 

Reference

Scharp, K. M., & Mclaren, R. M. (2017). Uncertainty issues and management in adult children’s stories of their estrangement with their parents. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships,35(6), 811-830. doi:10.1177/0265407517699097