‘Shhhhh…..It’s the families secrets….’

What are the ethical implications that can arise when a families skeletons are unearthed? When the lines begin to blur, between the norms of family dysfunction and the more serious, such as physical and sexual abuse. From a therapists perspective, family trauma can be complex and downright frightening to navigate, especially when it’s their client that may be taking the brunt of the family dysfunction. It is the role of the therapist to be the confidante, the secret holder, and the safe space in which one can divulge all their inner turmoils and traumas. In a publication about ethics for practicing social workers, it was speculated that social workers and I am also going to include therapists, are more apt to shine a spotlight on ‘family secrets’ when they are presented by a client; it is their work to help the client to bring out their skeletons (Agllias & Gray, 2013). What Agllias & Gray, were further getting at is, although this can be beneficial at times for other forms of issues, when it comes to family systems coupled with abuse there is a greater opportunity for more harm to come to their client. Families are known for keeping their secrets. It can be a tool used, in hopes that it will protect certain members of the family, or to keep a families appearance intact and ‘safe.’ More often that not, the secretes stowed within the home, do little to protect but rather cause great harm and confusion to the members and even be used to create power over one another.

 

The ideologies of family is embedded in our society and our own family culture. It is passed down from one generation to the next. As a therapist, who has their own unique ideas of family it can be difficult for them to fully comprehend and work with a client who is suffering in their own family dysfunction. This is where the ethical implications can arise for the therapist and the client relationship. I personally have experienced the throes of this as a client and could see the dilemmas arising for both my therapist and myself with how to navigate the truths of my family and whether or not to share those truths with others within the family and more critically if it was unethical not to also bring this information to the police and Department of Human Services. I knew that if I brought legalities into the picture, it would cause me added harm at that point in my life. When a client is not ready to share their story to the rest of the world and things are set in place where they have no choice, but to do so, it can cause them to become re-traumatized.

 

Some days, I wish I would have come forward sooner than later and others I knew that the timing was not right. When the sexual abuse occurred in ones childhood and they are now an adult, it is difficult if not impossible to prosecute the abuser (unless that abuser is still exhibiting said behavior or has access to vulnerable populations). When no one else in the family believes the victim and upholds the innocent portrayal of the perpetrator; it is a grossly difficult situation to even attempt to bring justice to. Did I give up, or others who never had the opportunity to or maybe even wanted to, persecute their abuser? I still ask myself to this day as a victim of family sexual abuse and rape by other men in my teens and young adulthood. I never came forward, until I was in the safe confines of a therapist’s office and it seemed at that point, to be too late. As survivors of abuse, we need to be feel in control of how we wish to navigate our histories and especially if it involves our family of origin. I don’t believe there is a ‘right or wrong’ to this, it is a delicate affair that needs to be addressed with the utmost care and bring empowerment back to those who have lived their lives feeling oh so, powerless.  

Agllias, K., & Gray, M. (2013). Secrets and lies: The ethical implications of family estrangement. In M. Carey & Green, L. (eds). Practical Social Work Ethics: Complex Dilemmas within Applied Social Care (pp. 43–61). Farnham, Surrey: Ashgate.